I’m a member of the Magic Semi-circle.”, “My next door neighbour worships exhaust pipes. Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. 25 of Lee Mack’s wittiest jokes and one-liners BNAG! He said, "How flexible are you?" 50 football jokes to make you laugh – or groan Apparently, one in five people in the world are Chinese. 38 of the funniest Ron Swanson quotes that made Parks and Recreation unmissable Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. His wife was standing nearby watching him. It's time to put the satire on hold and watch a grown man act the goat, so come along and enjoy the nonsense! 20 of the most absurdly funny quotes from Nathan Barley Tim Vine Parents-Family. 38 of the funniest cat jokes and memes 38 of the funniest Russell Howard jokes 25 of Peter Kay’s most ingenious jokes and one-liners '”, “I’ve decided to sell my Hoover – it was just collecting dust.”, “I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me ‘Can you give me a lift?’ I said ‘Sure, you look great, the world’s your oyster, go for it. Jul 21, 2019 - Explore Jan Gym Buddy's board "Tim Vine" on Pinterest. He’s a catholic converter.”, “He said ‘I’m going to chop off the bottom of one of your trouser legs and put it in a library’. I always tell people that it's because I'm nervous about getting that next laugh and I need to hear it. Tim Vine: Sunset Milk Idiot is at Pleasance Courtyard, Aug 11-27; tickets.edfringe.com 19 of the funniest World Cup jokes from stand-up comedians 31 Richard Madeley quotes, gaffes and surreal moments that prove he truly is Alan Partridge 100 of the best knock knock jokes (some of which are actually funny) 26 of Sara Pascoe’s funniest jokes and quotes I thought ‘That’s a turn-up for the books. "So I got home, and the phone was ringing. Famous for his quick-fire one-line gags Mr Vine’s comedy is very cheesy, but the type that is hard not to laugh at. There are some tim vine timepiece jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud. '”, “Black Beauty – now there’s a dark horse.”, “I was reading a book – ‘The History of Glue’ – I couldn’t put it down.”, “I got home, and the phone was ringing. And there are five people in my family, so it … 25 of Rik Mayall’s greatest quotes 100 of the funniest dirty jokes that will make you laugh and gasp When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate. Tim Vine. 105 of the best bad jokes *", and I said, "*yep, and sell*". The wife asked me "how many potatoes would you like?" 45 of the funniest 8 out of 10 Cats jokes With silly stuff, it's seventy-five percent confidence. 39 of the greatest Brass Eye and Day Today quotes Countdown to Tim’s next birthday. ', He said 'how flexible are you?' I said: ‘Is that the local swimming baths?’ He said: ‘It depends where you’re calling from. Tim Vine is honest about the impact his show is going to have on the global political superstructure. COMEDIAN Tim Vine, much loved for his stand-up shows and BBC1 sitcom Not Going Out, is coming to the Assembly Hall in Tunbridge Wells next month. '”, “I went in to a pet shop. Tim Vine fronts the pun-filled BBC Comedy pilot, ‘Tim Vine Travels in Time’ (Photo: BBC) By Alex Nelson. JUMP TO: Tim Vine’s biography, facts, family, personal life, zodiac, videos, net worth, and popularity. '”, “I bought some Armageddon cheese today, and it said on the packet ‘Best Before End…'”, “So this bloke says to me, ‘Can I come in your house and talk about your carpets?’ I thought ‘That’s all I need, a Je-hoover’s witness. One evening, after the honeymoon, he was organizing his golfing equipment. Typical Joke: “I decided to sell my Hoover… Well, it was just collecting dust.” Tim Vine is the master of the one-liner, having won the ‘Funniest Joke of the Fringe’ accolade twice – no mean feat! Tim Vine, best-known for his his role on Not Going Out from 2006 to 2014, is a quick-witted connoisseur of comedy who often appears on best jokes lists that follow in the wake of festivals around the world. 17 of Ken Dodd’s most ingeniously funny jokes And a voice said 'You are.'" Tim Vine born in England as Timothy Mark Vine is an author, actor, stand-up comedian, and presenter who has been recognized widely for his great jokes, and his work on Not Going Out. 105 of the best clean jokes and one-liners The 28 funniest Greg Davies jokes and quotes '”, “I used go out with an anaesthetist – she was a local girl.”, “Crime in multi-storey car parks. 100 of the funniest ever jokes and best one-liners He was born on 4 March 1967 in Cheam, Sutton, United Kingdom. But if you do (and really, who doesn't?) I said, "I can't make Tuesdays." By The Newsroom. I picked it up, and said 'Who's speaking please?' "It's just me telling silly jokes really," he says. Jokes to be precise and specifically the art of delivering a good gag at Christmas. 34 of Lee Evans’ funniest jokes and quotes Tim Vine Jokes "He said 'I'm going to chop off the bottom of one of your trouser legs and put it in a library'. Ahead of his performance on May 9, we have complied a list of the best Tim Vine jokes. 50 of Tim Vine’s most ingenious jokes and one-liners This site uses cookies to personalize ads and to analyse web traffic, for more info please review our Privacy Policy. When it happened, he was chuffed to bits!”, “I was in the army once and the Sergeant said to me: ‘What does surrender mean?’ I said: ‘I give up! 100 of the funniest short jokes that will have you laughing in seconds '”, “I was in this restaurant and I asked for something herby. Many of the tim vine timbuktu jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. 41 of Stewart Francis’ most ingenious jokes and one-liners Those of you who have teens can tell them clean tim vine pornhub dad jokes. 41 of David Mitchell’s funniest jokes and quotes How old is Tim Vine?-Age. 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I picked it up, and said ‘Who’s speaking please?’ And a voice said ‘You are. '”, “I saw this bloke chatting-up a cheetah and I thought: ‘He’s trying to pull a fast one. A group lauding a unique comic by way of mimicry. 25 of the funniest ever Still Game quotes All rights reserved. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? 50 of Milton Jones’s most ingenious jokes and one-liners 43 of the funniest Donald Trump jokes Comedian Tim Vine dusted off his joke book and cleaned up at this year's Edinburgh Fringe when his one-liner was voted the funniest wisecrack of the festival. '”, “So Batman came up to me & he hit me over the head with a vase & he went ‘T’PAU!’ I said ‘Don’t you mean KAPOW? Tim Vine is a Pisces and his 55th birthday is in . We hope you will find these tim vine cri puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh. She said "Tenpin?" I said ‘you just can’t let it go can you? There are some tim vine timepiece jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate. I just gave a guitar to my girlfriend. I said ‘Do you earn a living doing that?’ He said ‘Yes, this is my livelihood. 25 of the most cantankerous Martin Crane quotes from Frasier 82 of them, in fact! I thought, ‘that’s Abba-riginal. On TV he was also a regular in Not Going Out, a BBC comedy by Lee Mack. Tim Vine's Christmas cracker jokes ( 16 December 2019 ) Tweet. Tim Vine. I said ‘Ooh, I’ll just have one please.’ She said ‘It’s OK, you don’t have to be polite.’ ‘Alright,’ I said, ‘I’ll just have one then, you stupid cow.’, “A friend of mine always wanted to be run over by a steam train. '”, “I met the bloke who invented crosswords today. No more Mr Rice Guy.”, “I once did a gig in a zoo. Day Coffee People. He said "*Dubai? '”, Paul Merton’s 36 best jokes and funniest one-liners from Have I Got News for You 30 of Stephen Fry’s funniest jokes and quotes Vic Reeves and Bob Mortimer’s 41 best jokes and most surreal quotes Tim Vine, the proclaimed king of one-liners, has again proved the power of his puns by becoming the first comedian to win the award for funniest joke of …